Trumpet Wom'

You don’t have to tell me, but honestly ask and answer that question for yourself. Before I go any further, I’m not trying to suggest I have the answers to your life or am this happy all the time figured everything out being. I’ve just been through some stuff and see a lot of unacknowledged sadness around me as a result so I wanted to write this.

Many don’t know this about me but I struggled with suicidal depression for a long time. While I tried to kill myself a few times, there was one attempt my senior year of college where it became known to more than just me. I ended up in the hospital, which in the state of Maryland requires the doctor to check you into a mental health facility for two days. It was an eye opening experience into the state of health care and to the fact that doctors aren’t necessarily healers but that’s a story for another time. I mention this because I came out of the experience with the truth that I would either properly kill myself or properly figure out how to be happy and make my goals happen.

The bottom of the barrel was a blessing that got me to where I am today. It gave me a perspective and clearness of vision that not all have. I see a lot of people saying they’re happy and content, but based on their actions, words and the look in their eyes, I think it’s all bs. For instance, when I was depressed something someone said or did to me could ruin my day, week, month or even longer completely. I would keep going back to it in my head “Why would they treat me like this?”, I would bring it up with others “Can you believe this thing so and so did?”, I would use it as proof that said person was not a good person and that others probably weren’t as well.

I see this manifested in those around me, vitriolic or snippy statements that are “just a joke” in response to a real life event or social media post. People passionately and endlessly complaining about one thing or the other, that at the end of the day is petty and doesn’t matter. Talking to someone who is constantly putting themselves down and giving themselves negative labels.

These are the actions of unhappy people, because when we are unhappy, we blow small, insignificant events to epic proportions. Happy people however do not like to focus on things that don’t make them feel good and are constantly focused on the abundance that exists in their lives. If something upsets them, they simply address it and move forward. Happy people believe in themselves. I’m not saying happy people never feel sad, frustrated or offended, but the response to these feelings is different in the mind of a happy vs unhappy person.

When I worked in the corporate world I would constantly hear people say things like “there’s nothing left for me really because I turned [insert age].” Or I would ask them what was going on in their lives and they wouldn’t have much to say about themselves. Or the real kicker, “I hate this situation and this situation, but that’s adulthood right? Everybody’s doing it.” (WRONG!) And not just in the corporate world, in general I look people in the eyes, I feel their energy and it’s SO BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS to me how many people aren’t actually happy. Because when I meet truly happy people, it’s SO BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS how happy and at peace they are with existence.

I think this happens because as a society we are kinda taught that learning and growth stops after you turn 18, get the “good job” and the “good relationship” (or that the relationship is supposed to do the growing for you). If you accomplish these few tasks you are supposed to be content and happy. We are also surrounded by media that focuses on concepts of vengeance, ulterior motives and negative stereotypes to a high degree. We are surrounded by advertising campaigns that say “You’re not enough, but my product will make you enough”.

I could go on and on with examples and thoughts on this matter, but I wrote this post to try and get more people to truly sit down and ask themselves, “Am I happy?”. If the answer is no, please don’t except that as the only reality that can exist. With time, learning and different actions you can truly be happy. And if the answer is yes, YAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!!! Please comment below or feel free to directly message me or email me at if you have any thoughts on this or just want to talk. Here's the song I wrote on this topic. Peace :)

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